Ally mistakes you don’t know you’re making
Over the last several years, we have seen an increase in white Americans pledging to become better allies to people of color in their social and professional spheres. Often, we will ask “what can we do?” to improve ourselves, but as author Latasha Morrison puts it in her book “Be The Bridge,” a posture of humility for white allies will set the stage for us to:
“talk less and listen more, opening your heart to the voices of (people of color.) You will need to … study the hard truths of history without trying to explain them away. You’ll need to examine your own life and the lives of your ancestors so you can see whether you’ve participated in, perpetuated, or benefitted from systems of racism.”
And while we attempt to do all of the above, you can rest assured that we won’t get it perfect. If you aren’t making mistakes in your allyship, you probably aren’t trying hard enough as we willingly enter this realm of heightened emotion and history of conflict. Even when we try our best not to overstep and cause harm, we must admit that we have different experiences despite growing up in the same country, sometimes making us ignorant to the issues faced by people of color.
We want to provide you with some areas of conversation that are potentially working against you. Tread lightly when conversations turn to:
Culture – For many of us, it wasn’t until we began intentionally working to become an ally that we learned there is such a thing as white culture. In our life experience, it was simply considered “the culture” because it was dominant. That’s understandable. But this position renders any practices outside white culture – from a logical perspective – wrong. We may not have intentionally looked down our noses at the rest of the world, yet we were pretty secure in the “rightness” of our vernacular, favorite music, food preferences, fashion, etc. Try to reframe these as your cultural preferences instead of concluding they are empirically the best.
Your responsibility – As with any student, learning requires the active participation of the actual student, right? Similarly, as you become a student of allyship and learn how to avoid complicity in the racism of many of our institutions, educating yourself on the following is NOT your BIPOC friend’s responsibility. You need to critically look at: American history (all of it, not just the parts that make us look good), the criminal justice system, the ways white culture presumes dominance rather than just cultural attributes, and how you and your ancestors may have benefitted from institutions that provided an uneven playing field. Take control of your own education process, and if you must lean on others, don’t expect people of color to do the heavy lifting of bringing you up to speed. There are a host of BIPOC experts who have authored books, given TED Talks and appeared on podcasts, so utilize whichever learning method suits you best.
Authority figures – Take an inventory of those people who have influence in your life. Whose writings do you read? Who do you respect or admire in this world? Is there diversity in your list of role models? Are you actively opening yourself up to different perspectives and leadership styles? Have you considered finding a mentor who doesn’t share your same life experience? (This does sound contradictory to the “your responsibility” suggestions above, but it’s different when you are submitting yourself to the leadership of a BIPOC. It changes the power differential.) These are simple steps in your path to becoming a better ally: broaden the range of inputs in your life.
The rest of the world – Many of us have limited understanding about the rest of the world and think of America first. That’s natural for anyone who lives in any country. However, once you truly appreciate other cultures, you learn that there is still so much to learn. As you relearn the real history of our nation, resist the temptation to elevate the United States as the best overall. It is, of course, an amazing nation, but we have warts and scars that have not healed well. Similarly, your path to allyship will help to “flatten the curve” of your global country ranking as you learn about the beauty of cultures outside our borders.
Your Tears – We know it’s disheartening to learn of the horrible experiences of your friends who are people of color. We also know it’s frustrating and humiliating when someone suggests that you are operating from a position of privilege, or worse, racism. These are horrible feelings, especially if you haven’t sat in self reflection or considered your white privilege before, and it probably warrants tears. But please know that your BIPOC friends have endured much worse and have been expected to do so without any tears. They have had to be tough to get this far in a white majority culture. So if you cry out of sadness or regret or the knowledge that even though you hurt someone, you had the best intentions, it has the effect of prioritizing YOUR interests over theirs, which is a sad repeat of history. Lest you think you would never do such a thing, this happens so often that it’s referred to as “white tears” by communities of color. If possible, save your tears for a time when you can mourn in private so you can express your feelings.
Personal space – If you have ever been pregnant and had someone you aren’t close to reach out and touch your baby belly, you may have recognized that Americans have an issue with personal space. Well that includes not just one another’s flesh, but our hair as well. Most people of color can tell stories of white acquaintances who have reached out and touched their hair without asking. Even if you don’t consider that a rude practice in your culture, it’s a sign of lacking respect in theirs. Be safe, don’t touch anyone’s hair unless you have consent to do so.
Your Support – Many people of color – when encouraged in a safe space – will confess that even their closest white colleagues have sold them out at some point in their professional lives. As with so many other things we do as white people, our actions may have unintended consequences. Consider everyday work situations where you may disagree with a colleague and remember that your work relationship is not the only factor at play here. There is a sordid history of racism that has been endured by Black Americans at the hands of white Americans, and while it may not seem relevant to you, it is still very much relevant to them and the institution you work for. Again, yours is not the most important opinion here, which is a really difficult thought pattern to extricate from your brain. When it comes to work situations, remember that your actions may be carrying the weight of history so your best intentions may have different meaning to someone else. Many of us have been raised to “not see color” so we don’t attribute a lack of agreement with a BIPOC colleague as indicative of a race issue. Just be aware that – given the highly charged environment we are living in – other people may have different interpretations of your disagreement. Striking the right balance is difficult and confusing, but it’s worth it to bring more equity into the professional world.
Above all, allies need to do exactly as Morrison suggests and wrap ourselves up in a cloak of humility so that when we step on someone’s toes – and in this work, we certainly will – we can adequately repair the relationship.
The statements and opinions made in this article are for general informational purposes only and are not intended to provide specific financial advice or recommendations for any individual or any specific security or investment product. The views and opinions reflected in this article are subject to change at any time without notice. For advice specific to you and your situation, please speak with your Financial Advisor.
For Individuals
Willow Talk
Willow Partner Advisors, LLC (“Willow”) is not affiliated with any third-party Advisers and neither Willow nor any of its representatives are authorized to provide investment advice on behalf of a Willow or to act for or bind as an Adviser. Each matched Adviser has entered into an agreement with Willow under which the Adviser pays Willow a combination of fees. The fees paid by the Advisers to Willow are paid irrespective of whether you become a client of an Adviser and are not passed along to you. However, the presence of these arrangements may affect an Adviser’s willingness to negotiate below their standard investment advisory fees, and therefore may affect the overall fees paid by clients introduced by Willow through the Willow platform. Please ask your Adviser for more information about their fees.
Willow provides a matching service based on a computer algorithm to match the data you provide Willow to an Advisor. Willow only matches clients to Advisors that have taken and passed our certification courses and signed up for our matching service platform.
The Advisors we refer, have all paid Willow for both the courses and the matching service platform. Advisers provide cash compensation to Willow of up to $5,200 per year in connection with client referral services, and up to $800 per year in connection with participation in Willow’s certificate program. Such compensation arrangements may be subject to discounts.
Willow does not match clients to Advisors that do not pay for these services. This is a conflict of interest. To mitigate this conflict the matching algorithm directs clients to Advisors based solely on a correlation of the personal data you provide with the experience, background and beliefs of Advisors that have paid to be on the Willow platform.
Willow solicits and publishes testimonials from our existing clients and Advisors. Willow does not compensate clients or Advisors for testimonials in any way. Interactions with individual Advisors will vary.
Willow does not guarantee your interactions with the matched Advisor(s) will be the same as represented in any testimonial or will generate any specific investment result. Testimonials are not a guarantee of future performance or success.
Neither Willow nor its affiliates are engaged in providing investment advice. Willow does not receive, control, access, or monitor client funds, accounts, or portfolios. Willow does not warrant any services of any Adviser and makes no claim or promise of any result or success of retaining an Adviser. Your use of the Willow platform, including the decision to retain the services of any Adviser, is at your sole discretion and risk. Any services rendered by an Advisers you contact are solely that of the Adviser.
Willow and its affiliates are not responsible for the accuracy or reliability of any information contained on third-party websites.